I have had many conversations with members of the communities I belong to and what resonates with me is this: We must forgive ourselves, but also, we must set a standard of behaviors around food that reflect a detachment from dependency that we must clear our plate and not waste, or indulge in that beignet (or three - BTW that's a French doughnut) because we can.
It's that "Because I can" attitude that keeps you where you are when you are frustrated and refuse to change your attitude toward food and exercise. Strive for the goal to always, always choose the healthiest, best item on the menu. Don't be shy about telling a waiter, "Please hold the bread, go light on the cheese, and bring me the dressing/sauce on the side." Do more in the gym, push yourself to increase your physical strength slowly, deliberately. Don't worry about the funny looks.Who cares?! My thoughts are they better just get it right so the temptation doesn't appear in front of me.
Forgive yourself. Then take action by not continuing the behavior that made you feel that guilt in the first place. This is such a tough lesson to learn. Especially when we casually, continually, let our choices slide.
Choose to be careful because you care for you. Everything you eat does matter. Every moment you make, MATTERS. Your Weight Matters. Don't wait to make changes, do it now. Make every choice intentional. When you mess up, pick your britches back up and hold yourself accountable. Self destructive thoughts and decisions will not move you toward your goals.
Today, while at lunch with my *so called* niece (she is first cousin, once removed,) and I likened daily personal nutrition management to the constant leveraging of your choices. The idea of Weight Watchers points system makes sense. I just felt so traumatized by WW for being their youngest member, ever, back in 1987, that I will never step foot into one of their meetings. I *WILL NOT* pay for group support services that can be found for free. I am not motivated by paying their weekly fees, I'm actually extremely frugal by necessity.
Anyway, I digress. When you know you are going out for a meal, your other meals that day should compensate by being much smaller. If you're doing it well, likely you should plan the day before and the day after to be relatively light eating days. Plan ahead, it's such a simple gesture that can make all the difference in the world toward your overall weight loss success.
Another recent revelation for me is that people need to learn how to address cruel, mean words and actions in others. After being cat called walking on the sidewalks in my gated community last week, by an AT&T driver, no less, I was anger. I asked myself, "Does this person think it's appropriate to act that way toward me with derogatory flattery?" I was so furious, I contacted my friend Stephanie, a call center manager for AT&T, and asked her how I could write a letter of complaint. I was mad. It subsided after a few hours when something else disturbed me. The mean things people say and do to us in real life. The awful, harsh judgments that occur daily toward those who suffer from obesity. It is likely the last unprotected part of our population when it comes to being given equal rights in society, the workplace, and with our own families and friends.
A friend recanted today of a young lady who went home for the holidays and had lost some weight. While everyone was happy for her and told her she looked great, her step-father made it a point to say to her, "You've still got a long way to go." My heart sank for her. Why would anyone, ever say such a mean spirited, insensitive thing to someone who is being successful in their efforts? Why are people so mean to each other? If you're going to fat call someone, make sure you take a good look yourself-- you're not perfect and the obesity struggle is harder on some than others.
In sessions, I often use the Gestalt "empty chair" method. I'm over that. Confront these people when they do it. I know it's hurtful, but voice that you are hurt by their words in the moment. Make it clear that what they said it not acceptable, that the words they do not hurt you anymore. Make them feel like the jerk they are. Even if they are so cold as to not care, return the sentiment. Say, "That's mean. I don't need your ridicule." Say it out loud, "I do not like your words." Voice disapproval of their behaviors to them directly if they are hurtful to you. They have no place to comment on your struggle unless you invite criticism and constructive feedback. Likely, these are not the people you want either of those things from. Be brave enough to speak up for yourself.
Rejoice in your successes. Analyze your failures. Make a plan. Take action. See Success.
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